The Trouble with Feminists
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: The boys are forced to intervene when Jaylynn becomes negatively influenced by a radical feminist club.
1. The Trouble with Feminists Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 5

EPISODE 21

Airdate: March 20, 2017

"The Trouble with Feminists"

 _#TYH521_

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn walk into the school together._

BUSTER: You know, I feel bad for not watching the Kids Choice Awards this year.

SPARKY: Eh, you didn't miss much. It was so-so, I guess.

JAYLYNN: Hey, what are you guys doing after school?

BUSTER: I don't know. Stare at the clouds?

SPARKY: I have to meet Halley's aunt. I know she doesn't like me.

JAYLYNN: Come on, what makes you think that?

SPARKY: Because I overheard her on the phone with Halley saying she didn't like me. I'm just going to smile, talk about the weather for two minutes and hope for the best.

BUSTER: Maybe you could pretend to choke on a meatball and go into a fit on the floor.

SPARKY: How is that supposed to help me?

BUSTER: She'll feel sorry for you?

JAYLYNN: Ugh, everyone else has better things to do after school than me.

SPARKY: That's not true. What about your weekly poetry class?

JAYLYNN: Please, like that's cool anymore. It's so boring now. All we do is sit around, recite the poems we wrote, and that's it. I haven't been excited by that class in months. It just feels like extra school.

BUSTER: Well, you can always stop going.

JAYLYNN: I could, but I don't want to disappoint Anja. The last time I decided to skip, she was pretty upset.

 _Cut to a flashback of Anja spanking Jaylynn's back at Anja's house. Jaylynn screams every time Anja slaps her._

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry!

ANJA: Sorry for what?!

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry for dishonoring you! I'll do better next time!

ANJA: I don't believe you. You want the belt?

JAYLYNN: No!

ANJA: Do you want the belt?!

JAYLYNN: No, please, Lord!

ANJA: I SAID, DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OFF MY BELT?!

JAYLYNN: NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE OFF YOUR BELT!

 _Cut back to Jaylynn, Sparky, and Buster._

BUSTER: Did that really happen?

JAYLYNN: No, she just slapped me on my wrist and told me I'm bad.

SCENE 2

Northgate Community Center

Interior Second Floor

Seattle, Washington

 _After school, Jaylynn is on her way to the poetry class and then stops at the door. She sighs._

JAYLYNN: What happened to me? I used to love coming here. Now it's just another crappy part of my life. And I already have enough crap to step in!

 _Jaylynn smells something._

JAYLYNN: That smells like peanut butter cookies. No, it can't be.

 _Jaylynn follows the smell until it leads her to a room with a bunch of women in their early and mid-twenties. She then starts taking some peanut butter cookies off one of the trays until the woman standing near her clears her throat. Jaylynn turns to the side and realizes all the women are staring at her._

JAYLYNN: Oh, just so we're clear, I'm not staying.

HEATHER: I don't care about that. Why are you stealing our cookies?

JAYLYNN: Well, peanut butter is one of my favorites. I can't just pass up on them.

HEATHER: You're not part of the group. Only group members can eat these.

JAYLYNN: Okay, well, how do I become a member?

HEATHER: By signing up on the bulletin board outside. But I don't want you to. Your face annoys me.

JAYLYNN: Hey, sweetheart, you're not much to look at either but I'm not complaining.

HEATHER: Who are you anyway?

JAYLYNN: I'm Jaylynn. And who are you?

HEATHER: I'm Heather. The leader of this group called the Sisterhood. Now get out.

JAYLYNN: You're an asshole. By the way, I'm keeping the cookies.

HEATHER: Oh no, you're not. Put them back.

JAYLYNN: If I put them back, my DNA will be all over them. Besides, I just played in the dirt an hour ago so my hands still have that essence of nutrients.

HEATHER: Okay, gross. Just go.

 _Jaylynn winks at the camera as she leaves with the cookies._

JAYLYNN: Kinda weird how nobody else in there talked.

 _Jaylynn looks at the bulletin board and sees a poster for the Sisterhood._

JAYLYNN: Hey, the cookie group is right here. "Support your fellow woman. Come join the Sisterhood." _*Jaylynn rubs her chin*_ Interesting.

SCENE 3

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That night, the boys are watching TV._

BUSTER: Hey Sparky, does Halley's aunt still hate you?

SPARKY: Actually, no. She's wanted to meet me for a really long time.

BUSTER: So what was with the hostility before?

SPARKY: Well, when I mentioned the phone call, she said that she was complaining about a guy with the same name as mine. Turns out he gave her a phony tip on a stock. And then she lectured me and Halley for half an hour about the dangers of insider trading.

WADE: Am I the only one who finds it strange how Sparky and Halley have been going out for months, and this is the first time he's meeting her aunt?

BUSTER: Yeah, what about Ariel's half birthday party?

SPARKY: Oh, Halley's aunt hates going to events. It makes her break out in hives most of the time.

WADE: Hey Buster and RK, are we still going to play catch in the park tomorrow?

BUSTER AND RK: Yeah.

RK: Jinx! You owe me a soda!

BUSTER: Ah, crap! I suck at playing this game. Stupid genetics. Inheriting my dad's slow reflexes.

RK: Ah, better luck next time, buddy. I'll take a Sprite by the end of the day tomorrow.

BUSTER: What? I'm not buying you a soda.

RK: You have to, it's the rule.

BUSTER: No, it isn't. Is it?

WADE: I believe it is in some cultures.

SPARKY: RK, you know it's just a game.

RK: Trust me, it's not. KG and I take jinx very seriously. One time, he twisted my finger back until I signed a contract promising that I would buy him a soda.

WADE: Well, did you?

RK: Yeah, I had to. Because when he twisted my finger, it made me cry. And then I called my parents saying that KG's a big fat meanie. It's hard to think that was only five months ago.

BUSTER: Well, I'm still not buying you a soda, no matter how much you harm me physically.

RK: Suit yourself, Buster, but you're digging your own grave. I'm the most persuasive guy you'll ever meet. I could sell a Mariners cap to an Angels fan.

WADE: Didn't you try doing that once?

RK: Yeah, and then they cursed me out for five minutes. That's why sometimes, I hate talking to strangers.

SCENE 4

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That same night, Jaylynn and Anja are doing homework together on Anja's couch._

JAYLYNN: Hey, could I ask you something?

ANJA: Are you going to ask me again if you're a bad person because you once had a dream about turning Lynne into soup?

JAYLYNN: No, I dealt with that. I don't regret it at all. But I was actually going to ask you about poetry class.

ANJA: Okay, what about it?

JAYLYNN: Do you think we've outgrown it? Like, it's past us now, time to move on to something else?

ANJA: Of course not. I still like going there. Besides, it's where you and I met. I could never abandon a place like that.

JAYLYNN: Well, yeah, but things happen for a reason, you know? I mean, Los Angeles was hoping for the Raiders to come there, but now they have two shitty ass teams they never wanted. You just never know sometimes.

ANJA: Jaylynn, is something going on?

JAYLYNN: Of course not. Just because I'm asking about a class, doesn't mean I want things to change. Are you accusing me of doing something wrong?

ANJA: What? No, I just...

JAYLYNN: Because I don't appreciate it, Anj. I don't. I came here to do homework, not get interrogated.

ANJA: I don't think anyone's interrogating you.

JAYLYNN: Of course not. Because if they were, I would feel very uncomfortable. And you know what happens when people make other people feel uncomfortable, right, Anja?

 _Jaylynn now has her face extremely close to Anja's._

ANJA: Don't violate my personal space, man. And why does your breath smell like peanut butter?

JAYLYNN: There's a yogurt shop where the old junkyard used to be.

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Locker Room

Seattle, Washington

 _A week later, Buster takes out a book from his locker and closes it. He is then approached by RK, with his arms folded and a blank look on his face._

BUSTER: GAH!

RK: Where's my soda?

BUSTER: Dude, what the hell? Didn't they teach us in kindergarten not to sneak up on each other like that?

RK: I don't know. It's not like we were in the same kindergarten class.

BUSTER: We were!

RK: Really? All I remember is my cubby and cold PB&J for lunch.

BUSTER: Why did you have to scare me like that anyway?

RK: Well, Buster, like I said earlier, I want my soda. It's literally been a week and you still haven't paid me what I'm owed.

BUSTER: I don't owe you anything. That jinx rule isn't even real.

RK: I mean, if you're that lazy, let me just take the money and buy the soda myself.

BUSTER: I don't want to give you a dime. You beat me, but that doesn't mean you get a soda.

RK: Well, I can always just bother you from now until you give up.

BUSTER: You can try, but I'm sticking to my guns. I have the mental ability to...to, to do...mental things. And the mental things are telling me to keep doing what I'm doing.

RK: Okay. So where's my soda?

BUSTER: I don't have it.

RK: Well, do you plan on getting it soon? I'm thirsty here.

BUSTER: I hope you know I really don't like you right now.

RK: Yeah, but the question is, is that going to help you get my soda?

 _Buster groans in annoyance._

SCENE 6

Northgate Community Center

Interior Second Floor

Seattle, Washington

 _That afternoon, Jaylynn and Anja walk up the stairs on their way to the poetry class._

JAYLYNN: Hey, have you ever been interested in joining anything else here?

ANJA: Eh, in the past. But I never did anything about it so at this point, what's it matter?

JAYLYNN: I'm just saying, it's great to branch out sometimes. I mean, Lil Wayne sucked at playing the guitar but at least he tried.

ANJA: I feel like you want me to catch on to something but I'm not all that perceptive.

JAYLYNN: Ha, perceptive. That's a funny word. Speaking of being perceptive, I'm going to use the bathroom.

ANJA: Using the bathroom has nothing to do with being perceptive.

JAYLYNN: Unless you perceive it differently than I do.

 _Beat._

ANJA: Shut up and go to the bathroom.

JAYLYNN: You got it, chief.

 _Anja walks into the poetry class while Jaylynn runs by the bathroom on her way to the Sisterhood. She opens the door of the class and once again gets stared at._

JAYLYNN: Look, I know I'm a cute kid but I don't need this attention.

HEATHER: Oh God, it's cookie girl again. What do you want?

JAYLYNN: I just wanted to say that I'm interested in joining your little group.

HEATHER: Did you bother signing up?

JAYLYNN: No.

HEATHER: Then get the f*** out of here.

JAYLYNN: Look, I said I'm interested. Shouldn't you take that as a compliment?

HEATHER: Not really. Not from you. Look, we can't have anyone barge in here. We're talking about real mature stuff in the Sisterhood. Not something a kid like you would understand.

JAYLYNN: Oh, so just because I'm a little girl, you don't think I'll know what's going on?

HEATHER: Yeah. Why are you repeating what I just...see, this is why I don't want you here!

JAYLYNN: Look, I'm pretty sure whatever you girls are discussing, it's not like it'll go over my head.

HEATHER: Well, we're talking about whether or not females deserve to make as much money as males.

JAYLYNN: Of course they do. What's so hard to understand about that?

HEATHER: Wait. So you're aware that females are constantly disrespected and marginalized in the workplace?

JAYLYNN: Yeah.

HEATHER: And that a woman executive is four times more likely to make less money than a man?

JAYLYNN: Hell yeah.

HEATHER: And what exactly are your thoughts on abortion?

JAYLYNN: It's a woman's right to choose, I guess.

CINDY: Heather, I think this girl's the real deal.

HEATHER: It seems like it. I think this might work out.

JAYLYNN: Are you guys feminists?

HEATHER: We don't like to call ourselves that. We always get dirty looks whenever we say that. We like to refer to ourselves as "women's rights enthusiasts."

JAYLYNN: Okay. Well, I'm actually a little enthusiast too.

HEATHER: No way. Guys, I really think we have something here.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. Are you going to harvest my brains and use my innocence to take over the world?

HEATHER: No. Why would we ever do something like that?

JAYLYNN: My friend Buster's into a lot of conspiracy theories, this is a way of life to him.

SCENE 7

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That night, Buster is on his laptop looking up pictures of pirates when he gets a Skype call from RK. He sighs and then answers._

BUSTER: Hey RK.

RK: You know, I'm home right now. If you have the soda, you can just come over and give it to me.

BUSTER: RK, for the last time, I'm not giving you a soda. It was just a stupid game. And believe me, I know all about stupid games.

 _Cut to a flashback of Buster and Wade playing checkers in the park._

WADE: King me.

BUSTER: KING THIS!

 _Buster throws the checkerboard on the ground, flips Wade off, and then leaves the park. Cut to Buster in real time._

BUSTER: I don't get it, why not say "checkmate" in checkers? It makes a lot more sense.

RK: Buster, I don't care about your flashback. I just want that soda.

BUSTER: Well, you're not getting it. So you can suck on that.

 _Buster ends the Skype call and turns on the TV. He then gets a phone call._

BUSTER: Holy shit, RK's calling me!

 _Buster answers the phone._

BUSTER: What's up, RK?

RK: When you buy me my soda, could you get me Canada Dry? I love ginger ale but I haven't drank it in months so I miss it.

 _Buster groans in annoyance._

SCENE 8

The Saleh Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _The next morning, Anja leaves for school when she sees Jaylynn parked near her house. She then honks her horn._

JAYLYNN: Someone need a ride?

ANJA: Oh, sugar pie.

 _Anja shakes her head and gets in the passenger's seat of Jaylynn's car._

ANJA: What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I wasn't talking to you.

JAYLYNN: So is that the reason why you just got in my car?

ANJA: Well, I could use a chauffeur. Come on, man, drive.

JAYLYNN: Don't tell me what to do in my own car. I'll slap the breadcrumbs off you.

ANJA: I should smack the fudge out of you for ditching me yesterday.

JAYLYNN: I didn't ditch you. I had to do something really important before poetry class.

ANJA: Jaylynn, we already went over this. Going to South America to do missionary work and then having to save 100 people from a race of mutant fire ants is not an excuse. Not to mention biologically impossible.

JAYLYNN: Okay. But did I ever mention the high-speed chase?

 _Anja gives Jaylynn a look of disapproval._

JAYLYNN: Alright, I ditched. But I wasn't ditching you. I was ditching poetry class. I've outgrown it. I want to see what else I can do to have fun at Northgate. I know I have other choices.

ANJA: What other choices?

JAYLYNN: Well, there's an introduction to aromatherapy, a class on how to make your own breakfast nook, the Sisterhood that I'm now in, the yoga class...

ANJA: Wait a minute? What are you now in?

JAYLYNN: The Sisterhood.

ANJA: The Sisterhood of what? Traveling pants?

JAYLYNN: No, it's just called the Sisterhood. It's all about women's rights and stuff.

ANJA: And they let you in?

JAYLYNN: Well, yeah. It wasn't easy, but I liked it. I got to be around people who think just like me. Even though they're all old enough to get tattoos and drink.

ANJA: Jaylynn, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be there. What if they're just using you?

JAYLYNN: For what?

ANJA: I don't know. People are mean these days. They could just be pretending to be your friend so they could find out all your secrets. Then they'll start cyberbullying you.

JAYLYNN: Please, I'm not that dumb. I only tell people what I feel like telling them. You know what, Anj? You could join me next week.

ANJA: Really? I mean, I won't feel right skipping class.

JAYLYNN: Oh, please, it's not like you're going to have to pay off student loans if you're not there. Just come to the Sisterhood and you'll see for yourself how awesomesauce they are.

ANJA: I guess. But if I feel like they're going to be a bad influence, I'm leaving.

JAYLYNN: Sure thing.

 _Beat._

ANJA: Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Yeah?

ANJA: ARE YOU GOING TO DRIVE THE CAR, MAN?!

JAYLYNN: Okay, okay. You jerk, trying to give me an ear infection. What's the matter with you?

 _Jaylynn starts the car and drives off._

SCENE 9

Northgate Community Center

Interior Sisterhood Class

Seattle, Washington

 _The next week, Heather is at the front of the class giving a speech. Jaylynn and Anja have yet to arrive._

HEATHER: So in all honesty, female sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. We're all beautiful women and we should be allowed to own our bodies.

CINDY: Okay, but what about when you're constantly flaunting your body around for guys to notice you?

HEATHER: Well, that's different. You can flaunt your body all you want, but flaunt it for the right reasons.

 _Jaylynn and Anja walk in the door at that point._

JAYLYNN: What's up, girls?

HEATHER: Hey Jaylynn. Wait, who's this?

JAYLYNN: Oh, this is my best friend Anja. She's just observing.

ANJA: Hey everybody.

MICHELLE: Heather, is this a women's rights group, or f***ing Nick Jr.? I didn't join to start babysitting.

HEATHER: You know what? She can stay. But in the future, could we please start having new members sign up? It doesn't look good on us if we just have anybody start coming in here.

ANJA: Oh, I actually did sign up.

HEATHER: You did? Okay, well, observe. It's a good thing you're here because we're about to get down to something a little...controversial.

JAYLYNN: Hey, if there's controversy, we're gonna be there to talk about it.

HEATHER: Okay, we really don't want to turn this into a male-bashing session. But I believe that men don't do enough in today's society to help support women. Every year International Women's Day comes around, all I see on Twitter is a bunch of guys complaining about it. I mean, can we get a little respect once in a while?

ANJA: You know, Twitter's kinda not like the outside world in a way.

JAYLYNN: Oh shit, here we go.

HEATHER: What do you mean, Anja?

ANJA: I mean, there are lots of people who just use Twitter to go and say stupid things. You can't just assume that's how the world works.

HEATHER: So you're one of those people?

ANJA: One of what?

HEATHER: One of those people that think social media isn't real life? That female oppression doesn't exist because it's not in front of your face?

ANJA: I never said female oppression didn't exist.

HEATHER: Yeah, but you were thinking it. I know girls like you. I see them every day. The ones who downplay our struggle because we're crazy or pushy or too serious. Well, there's some real shit going on in communities all over the country, so ignoring these things doesn't help the battle.

ANJA: You do realize that I'm ten, right?

CINDY: Oh, look, the little girl's using her age as a cop out.

ANJA: I'm not using a cop out. I said that because I can't see things the way she does. I'm not as old or as experienced as her. I do think girls and women need to ignore those who try to tear them down, get together, and build something with each other. Try to spread something positive and remain focused on their goals. You can't just spend all your time worrying about someone who doesn't care or understand what you go through.

MICHELLE: That sounds really soft, Anja.

CINDY: Yeah, you sound pretty weak. I mean, I guess we should just give up going for high-paying jobs because those executives don't care, right?

JAYLYNN: Hey, Anja didn't mean what she said. She's just a little mixed up.

ANJA: Jaylynn!

HEATHER: Hey, don't badmouth your friend, she's trying to save you from being mediocre.

ANJA: Mediocre? Okay, that's it, I'm out of here.

 _Anja gets out of her seat and walks towards the door._

JAYLYNN: Anja, wait up, we need to talk.

 _Jaylynn follows Anja and leaves the room. Beat._

HEATHER: What a stupid little bitch.

 _Outside of the classroom, Anja gets her arm tugged on by Jaylynn._

JAYLYNN: Hey Anja, what was that about? You can't just walk away from an argument.

ANJA: Why not? I mean, I'm just a little mixed up. I can't believe you did that to me.

JAYLYNN: Hey, they were making sense in there. I didn't want you to start something you couldn't finish.

ANJA: Jaylynn, I'm not a baby, I can handle things on my own. And you saw what happened in there. The minute I even tried disagreeing with her, she jumped on me.

JAYLYNN: I mean, in some ways, your opinion did seem a little...misguided.

ANJA: Misguided? What's so misguided about girls and women coming together to build something positive for the future?

JAYLYNN: I mean, it's so vague. You know, Anja, we're at war with ignorant people. I mean, what are we building really? A moat? An apartment building? Are we going to be like _Bob the Builder_ and start fixing things every week? Because I think Heather wants more than that, man.

ANJA: I should have known this was going to happen. Those ladies really don't want to empower themselves, they just want something to complain about.

JAYLYNN: I think that's a little broad, don't you think?

ANJA: And they're already brainwashing you. You know, when you're done being a parrot, call me.

 _Anja walks away from Jaylynn._

JAYLYNN: I'm not a parrot. The nerve of her. Jaylynn Skylar Hernandez is not a freaking parrot!

 _Heather opens the door._

HEATHER: Jaylynn, are you coming back?

JAYLYNN: Am I coming back?

SCENE 10

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That night, the kids are watching TV. Buster is noticeably absent._

WADE: Hey, where's Buster? Did he get lost again?

SPARKY: He said he had to make a stop before he got here.

 _Buster walks in with a can of Canada Dry and he tosses it to RK._

BUSTER: There's your stinking soda.

RK: What? What are you talking about?

BUSTER: The soda you've been harassing me to get? That's it.

RK: You owed me a soda?

 _Buster takes a deep breath and screams as he goes after RK while Wade and Jaylynn hold him back._

RK: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just kidding. Thanks, man.

 _RK starts sipping his soda._

SPARKY: RK, do you ever stop and think that you're kind of a dick?

RK: More times than I can count.

BUSTER: Can we just watch some TV?

SPARKY: Sure.

 _Sparky turns on the TV._

JAYLYNN: You know, it's funny how you mention female superheroes.

RK: Nobody mentioned it. At all.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but I feel like there could be more of them. I mean, we only have like, three. Why can't girls save the day? Why do we always have to be behind Iron Man and Captain America?

WADE: So I guess Black Widow, Agent Carter, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones, Raven, Jean Grey, Starfire, and the Powerpuff Girls don't count?

JAYLYNN: Pffft, it's not like everyone knows who they are anyway.

SPARKY: Hmmm, a Budweiser commercial.

BUSTER: I remember when my dad told me about his first drink. It was at a party right before the cops came and shot three people.

JAYLYNN: Seriously, they're promoting beer by having these women dance around like idiots? What a joke.

RK: Hey, it's just a commercial.

JAYLYNN: Just a commercial? Women earned the right to vote almost a century ago and we're still treating these commercials like they're nothing?

SPARKY: Okay, Jaylynn, what's going on?

JAYLYNN: Nothing, I'm just saying that we need to go back to Prohibition, you know? Get on some Carry Nation shit and really hit them where it hurts.

WADE: Who's them?

JAYLYNN: Them is they.

BUSTER: They?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, them.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, you've been acting a little strange lately. What gives?

JAYLYNN: I just want you guys to know about the truth of the Sisterhood. They know what's best and if we start living like we know what we're doing, they'll help us do the things we need to be knowing.

BUSTER: Oh no, my brain's shutting down. Information not going in! Slowly...not...responding.

 _Buster falls on the floor unconscious._

WADE: He'll be fine, he does this all the time at my house.

RK: What in God's name is the Sisterhood?

JAYLYNN: A bunch of girls who are ready to stand up for women's rights and make a difference in this crazy world.

SPARKY: Oh, so they're feminists?

JAYLYNN: That's a really offensive, politically incorrect term. Women's rights enthusiasts is more preferable.

RK: How is it offensive? They call themselves that all the time!

JAYLYNN: It's an outdated word. Like the r-word for instance.

WADE: You know, I actually support feminism.

JAYLYNN: See, this is what I'm talking about. A bunch of males who think they understand, but they can't. They're just not us.

 _Beat._

RK: You do realize at this point, you officially ain't shit, right?

JAYLYNN: I'm just saying, the Sisterhood knows what females go through and they want to be there for the gender. I've never felt so proud to be part of something.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I'm glad you found something you like, but do you really think the Sisterhood has the right ideas about women?

JAYLYNN: Of course they do. You know how I know? Because they all have piercings. They said that you're not really a woman until you take control over your own body.

RK: Dude, you can't just blindly listen to everything a couple people say. Just because they went to college and took a three-month class on psychology, doesn't mean they're smart.

WADE: Yeah, Jaylynn. The human being is the biggest contradiction in the world. It's impossible for anyone to have all the solutions and insight on everything.

JAYLYNN: You know, I get what you guys are trying to say.

SPARKY: You do?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. It's impossible for anyone to know everything.

RK: Exactly.

JAYLYNN: So all I have to do is find more people to join the Sisterhood. Then we can keep spreading the knowledge to people who don't have it. Thanks, guys!

 _Jaylynn gets up from her seat and heads towards the door._

SPARKY: Jaylynn, no, we didn't mean that...

 _Jaylynn leaves the house._

SPARKY: Guys, I don't think this is going to have a happy ending.

RK: Eh, I can see right through her. This is nothing more than a phase.

WADE: I don't know, RK. She sounded pretty impassioned about this group.

RK: Please, haven't you guys noticed that this always happens? Jaylynn is really crazy about something for a while and then it passes. I mean, this is nowhere near as irritating as her _Mr. Belvedere_ phase.

 _Cut to a flashback of RK walking into school and meeting up with Jaylynn, who is now dressed as Mr. Belvedere._

RK: Jaylynn, what the hell are you wearing?

JAYLYNN: Hey RK. How was detention on Friday?

RK: I didn't have detention on Friday.

JAYLYNN: Oh, you didn't? I always imagine you being in detention like Wesley always is.

RK: Jaylynn, for the last time, I don't watch _Mr. Belvedere_. That reference means nothing to me.

JAYLYNN: Well, now you know how _I_ feel with all _your_ references I don't f***ing get.

RK: You know what? That's actually fair.

JAYLYNN: I thought it was. Hey, by the way, can we re-enact the episode where Wesley's camp counselor starts touching him?

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys all walk in together the next morning._

SPARKY: So it turns out Bitch Clock was selling weed and he never even told me.

RK: Why, did you want some?

SPARKY: No. I couldn't have people thinking my house is a drug den. I already have enough problems.

BUSTER: Whatever happened to the days of just say no?

SPARKY: Oh, Bitch Clock missed the point of those commercials when he was younger. He thought they were supposed to be funny.

 _Halley walks up to the boys at that point._

HALLEY: Hi Sparky.

SPARKY: What can I do for you, sweetie?

HALLEY: You need to talk to Jaylynn. She's lost her mind.

RK: Shit, it's already getting worse.

SPARKY: What did Jaylynn do?

HALLEY: She started telling me about that Sisterhood crap and told me that I'm not a real woman because I think girls should be in the kitchen if they want to.

BUSTER: Halley, I didn't know you wanted girls to stay in the kitchen.

HALLEY: No, I said if they want to. They should have the choice to do what they feel happy doing. But Jaylynn didn't see it that way. She thought I was weak and not ready to stand up against injustice.

WADE: Well, it looks like our friend's putting all her energy into this group.

SPARKY: Yeah, it's getting a little scary. Let's go talk to her again.

 _The boys head to Jaylynn's locker._

SPARKY: Jaylynn, why did you harass Halley?

JAYLYNN: Sparky, my man, I wasn't harassing her. I just told her that to be okay with women being in the kitchen is like being okay with racism or school shootings.

WADE: Okay, but what if it's the woman's choice to be in the kitchen? Doesn't she have that right?

JAYLYNN: Of course she does, but she's just choosing to be mediocre. She can't let the media brainwash her into thinking she can't be a poet or a space man.

BUSTER: Damn it, I really need some Hubba Bubba.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, please listen to me when I say this. I want you to leave the Sisterhood. I don't think it's doing anything for you and it's starting to mess with your mind.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, it's not that I'm not listening. It's just that everything you say is wrong.

SPARKY: Come on, man. You probably don't believe half the things those women have taught you.

JAYLYNN: Please, I believe everything they've told me. You guys sound just like Anja. A bunch of simpletons just waiting for the world to burn until you realize that there's a problem.

 _Jaylynn shakes her head and walks away from the boys._

RK: Can we smack the fire out her ass?

SPARKY: No. We're going to do things the old-fashioned way. We'll go straight to the source.

WADE: What, like, actually talk to the Sisterhood?

SPARKY: Sure, why not? We go to the community center and just let those ladies know that they're giving Jaylynn the wrong idea.

BUSTER: Why don't we talk to Anja first? She might be able to help us.

SPARKY: Good thinking. We can talk to her after school.

RK: Wow, check out the brain on Buster.

BUSTER: Hey, I know my stuff. But seriously, could you guys hook me up with some Hubba Bubba? I'm really losing my mind here.

SCENE 12

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _After school, the boys are at Anja's place._

SPARKY: So you're sure you can't do anything to help us? Maybe just talk to Jaylynn and get her to leave the group?

ANJA: I'm sorry, guys, I wish I could but I'm not speaking to her right now. I don't get it, she's always been so independent, why does she need to be around those women?

BUSTER: Well, she did say she didn't like the poetry class anymore. Maybe this is all the teacher's fault.

ANJA: No way. Mrs. Rosenblum is a great teacher.

RK: You know, I still think this can be fixed with a simple ass-kicking. I'm not saying it should be me, but maybe we can pay Lynne, like, ten bucks or something.

SPARKY: All that's left is to just talk to the Sisterhood and put an end to this mess.

SCENE 13

Northgate Community Center

Interior Sisterhood Classroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys walk into the class that same day._

HEATHER: I swear, these kids are like bed bugs. Let me guess. You're friends of Jaylynn?

SPARKY: Yeah, and we're really worried about her after all the time she's spent with this group.

RK: What would have happened if we didn't know who Jaylynn was?

HEATHER: So what's the problem here?

SPARKY: Well, the problem here is that Jaylynn used to think for herself. Now she just repeats everything you guys say.

HEATHER: I don't see the problem here. She just thinks that the Sisterhood is the right way to live and she's made herself more enlightened.

WADE: But this isn't enlightenment. This is a cult. Shouldn't women in this group work together to help improve themselves and each other, and express their own opinions?

HEATHER: We're not a cult. We just think that there are lots of people out there that don't understand what we're trying to accomplish. If you disagree with us, you're disagreeing with justice.

WADE: Okay. What kind of justice?

HEATHER: Justice for women, duh.

WADE: Okay, but what kind of justice do you want to attain for women? What are your goals? You're not telling us anything.

HEATHER: How do you expect us to have all the answers? We're not political scientists.

WADE: Did it ever occur to you guys that you don't know as much as you think you do, and influencing young minds like this is hazardous?

HEATHER: Of course not, we know what we're doing. We promote tolerance, respect, and diversity. Honestly, we're a lot more qualified to handle this than you guys ever will.

RK: Diversity? How are you diverse? All I see is a bunch of white women in here.

HEATHER: That's not true. Janice is African-American.

RK: Well, I must be at Chuck E. Cheese's because I just found a token.

HEATHER: Look, guys, are you going to leave soon? We have to plan strategy for our protest this Saturday.

BUSTER: What are you protesting?

HEATHER: The annual video game contest here. We're going to demand more female representation.

SPARKY: Are you kidding me? The contest is open to all comers. It's not their fault more guys sign up every year.

HEATHER: Well, we're going to make our voices heard. Then they'll have to let more females sign up.

SPARKY: But I just told you that...ugh, never mind.

BUSTER: Ma'am, I don't mean to be rude, but I think you're kinda dumb.

HEATHER: Okay, so are we done here? Are you guys still looking for ways to foil our diabolical plan?

SPARKY: No. There's nothing left to say. Come on, guys.

 _The guys start leaving but RK stays behind._

RK: I bet there's not a single college degree in this room.

 _RK walks away and joins the guys outside._

RK: Well, that was a whole bunch of nothing.

SPARKY: Are these guys serious? The video game contest is one of the biggest events of the year. If they protest, Jaylynn's never gonna be able to walk in here again.

WADE: Well, we know what we have to do. Just devise a carefully crafted plan to prevent anything from taking place on Saturday.

BUSTER: Am I the only one that found it weird that nobody else in the class talked? What's up with that?

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That night, the boys are thinking about what to do to stop the impending protest._

SPARKY: What are we going to do? If Jaylynn helps out with that protest, she'll make a fool out of herself.

BUSTER: Maybe we could get the video game contest cancelled.

SPARKY: You have any ideas?

BUSTER: Yeah. Right before the event starts, we call in a bomb threat. All the gamers will evacuate, the Sisterhood won't be able to protest, and people will be so scared, they'll all go home.

 _Beat._

WADE: I mean, it's not like bomb threats haven't worked in the past.

RK: I'm not doing that crap. If we call in a bomb threat, and there's no bomb, the feds will trace the call back to us. Then we're going to go to court, get charged with conspiracy and spend the next 25 years in the clinker. I'm not going through that.

BUSTER: What if we plant a real live bomb in the center and frame someone else?

RK: Now you're using your head. I'll ask KG if he knows any explosives experts.

SPARKY: You know what? Forget the bomb threat. We just have to think of something that won't get us arrested.

BUSTER: This stinks. I can't believe Jaylynn's even in that stupid group. I don't know why, but I feel like this has happened before.

WADE: That's because it has. It happened to me when I joined the Freedom Crew. I thought they had all the answers, but they were just using me to serve them like the Sisterhood's using Jaylynn.

RK: So is the Sisterhood going to come and beat the shit out of us because they think we're the problem too?

SPARKY: It's not going to lead to that. I guess I can just call Jaylynn and plead with her not to join the protest.

WADE: You really think you can convince her? I mean, we all know how stubborn Jaylynn is.

SPARKY: It doesn't hurt to try. I've known the girl for years. What kind of friend would I be if I let this happen?

RK: A crappy one who doesn't deserve friends?

 _Sparky gives RK an annoyed look as he takes out his phone._

RK: I'm sorry, I really need to get that checked out.

 _Sparky dials Jaylynn's number and waits for a response._

SPARKY: Hello? Yeah, hi Jaylynn. Look, we know what's happening on Saturday and we really think you should reconsider. We're not trying to tell you what to do, but just to keep things in perspective. The Sisterhood's just using you because they see you as young and dumb, and if you do this, you're going to humiliate yourself. Do you get what I'm trying to say?

 _Beat._

SPARKY: You do? That's great. Wait, what? What do you mean I sound like I don't have all the answers? What makes you think Heather does? What do you mean I'm just trying to ruin your fun? Come on, man, listen to me. I'm an undercover misogynist? I'm a parrot? Could I stop repeating everything you're telling me like it's funny? No, I _WILL_ repeat everything because the fact of the matter is...hello? Jaylynn? JAYLYNN?!

 _Sparky puts his phone back in his pocket as he holds his nose in exasperation._

BUSTER: If it means anything, I thought you had her on the ropes.

SPARKY: Well, that's it. Talking didn't work, so now it's time for some action. This Saturday, we're going to go over to Northgate and stop the protest ourselves.

WADE: You really think we can do it?

SPARKY: Hell yeah, we can. There's nothing we can't do as a team. Besides, it's the only way we can save Jaylynn.

RK: Hey, guys, I'm not sure if this is a good time to ask, but do you know if Kinko's is still open?

SCENE 15

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That Saturday, Sparky paces around as Buster and Wade watch him._

SPARKY: This is ridiculous. The contest starts in 15 minutes and the Sisterhood is probably on their way right now. Where the hell is RK?

WADE: He said he had to take care of something before he got here.

SPARKY: Ugh, these kids are gonna make me lose my hair and I'm too young for that anyway.

 _RK walks in at that moment._

SPARKY: RK, where have you been? We arranged to meet here at noon and you're 45 minutes late.

RK: I had to make a pit stop at Kinko's. Do you really think I asked that question the other day for no reason?

SPARKY: Okay, number one, it's not even called Kinko's anymore. And number two, our friend is about to make a jackass of herself in front of a sea of gamers and your first priority IS TO STOP AT A PRINTING COMPANY?!

RK: Look, I care a lot about Jaylynn, but if I didn't get this sorted out, I would have been thinking about it all day. I even got a sticker to show where I was. See?

 _Cut to a shot of RK's sticker that says "I Had Fun at FedEx Office Today." Cut back to Sparky and RK._

SPARKY: Just get in the damn car.

SCENE 16

Northgate Community Center

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky's car pulls up to the community center._

SPARKY: Wait a minute. There's no one outside. Jaylynn told me they were going to be picketing.

BUSTER: I guess we missed the riot and everything.

RK: Sparky, I think we still have time to stop the Sisterhood.

SPARKY: You're right. In that case, let's go. There's no time to lose!

 _The boys get out of the car and head towards the front door. Cut to them entering the convention hall where the video game contest is being held._

SPARKY: EVERYBODY, STOP GAMING! PROTESTERS ARE COMING!

 _Several gamers look up from their computers at the boys._

SPARKY: Don't look at me like that. This is serious!

JAYLYNN: You're too late, guys.

 _The camera reveals that Jaylynn is sitting right near the boys._

SPARKY: Oh no. It already happened. YOU'RE GONNA BE BLACKLISTED!

JAYLYNN: I was never part of the protest.

SPARKY: Wait, you weren't? Well, in that case, guys, forget my hysterics just now. I have a, uh...a chemical imbalance, you know. Stay gaming.

 _None of the gamers except for one look up at Sparky._

BUSTER: Sparky, what's a chemical imbalance?

SPARKY: I'll explain in the car.

WADE: Jaylynn, I'm confused. If you never protested, why are you even here?

JAYLYNN: Well, I was actually going to be a part of it until I woke up and thought about what Sparky said the other day. Then I told the Sisterhood I didn't want to be part of it and they kicked me out of the group.

SPARKY: Oh, Jaylynn, that's awful.

JAYLYNN: Yup. After they kicked me out of the group, they went to protest some billboard downtown and I just stayed here to think.

BUSTER: What billboard was it?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, I think it had to do with Susan G. Komen or some shit. I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk, guys. I was in way over my head.

RK: Hey, Jaylynn, we all do stupid things. I mean, you wised up before it was too late. Give it a couple years and you would have started becoming one of those weirdos that get stupid ass tattoos like, "The Truth is All Truths" over a yin and yang symbol.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, that makes sense.

RK: Then you would have started asking why exactly you need to shave your legs.

JAYLYNN: I don't know, I guess.

RK: Then you would have gotten a job at the Huffington Post and created your own blog about how Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham are the saviors of female comedy.

WADE: RK, I think she gets it.

RK: And then to top it off, you would have gotten a buzz cut and started wearing dollar store T-shirts of bands you don't even know.

SPARKY: OKAY, SHE GETS IT!

RK: I'm done, actually.

BUSTER: Jaylynn, how come you liked being in that group so much? They seemed pretty goofy to me.

JAYLYNN: Because poetry class was getting boring and for once, I was happy being around people who were just like me. Even when they started saying those weird things, I didn't want them to think I was some stupid kid so I decided to do what they were doing.

SPARKY: Well, that's interesting. You always said you would never change who you were for anyone unless you were on motherf***ing crack.

JAYLYNN: Guess I went against my word. I thought they actually knew what they were talking about. But feminism's way more complicated than that.

RK: I guess the lesson here is that 95% of the world's problems come from people who have no idea how stupid they really are.

WADE: Makes sense to me.

JAYLYNN: Hey, could you guys take me home? I came here in Heather's car.

SPARKY: Sure.

BUSTER: Wait a minute, Sparky. How do we know the old Jaylynn's back?

SPARKY: There's only one way to know for sure.

JAYLYNN: RK, why do you have on that stupid sticker?

RK: Because I can do whatever I want. Do you want the hands?

JAYLYNN: What hands? All I see is a punk with chicken legs.

SPARKY: Yeah, she's back.

SCENE 17

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _That same day, Jaylynn is talking to Anja._

JAYLYNN: So I just wanted to say sorry for embarrassing you in front of the Sisterhood. And you'll be glad to know I'm never speaking to them again.

ANJA: Okay, you're forgiven.

JAYLYNN: Really?

ANJA: Yeah, I can't stand being mad at you.

JAYLYNN: That's so sweet. And that's why it's going to be so hard to tell you that I'm not going to poetry class anymore.

ANJA: You're not? Why?

JAYLYNN: I just feel like I've outgrown it. I don't need it anymore and I haven't been interested in going for weeks. I know you're going to try and talk me out of it, but I made this decision for me, myself, and I.

ANJA: Okay.

JAYLYNN: Okay? You're not going to start crying a whole puddle of tears on the floor?

ANJA: Jaylynn, we're best friends, I see you all the time. Just because you're not into poetry class anymore, doesn't mean anything will change. I want you to be happy.

JAYLYNN: Thanks, Anj.

 _Jaylynn hugs Anja, who reciprocates._

ANJA: So are you going to start going to another class every week?

JAYLYNN: I think after everything I've went through, I'm just going to stay away from the community center for a while.

ANJA: Yeah, makes sense.

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: I hope Heather chokes on a peanut while she sleeps.

 _Anja gives Jaylynn a concerned look. Cut to black._

 _("Respect" by The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Diana King plays in the end credits)_

©2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. The Trouble with Feminists B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 3/20/17)_

-The one thing I can say to start off is thank God this episode is done.

-I originally planned for this episode to come last Sunday (March 12), but I couldn't finish it in time and I was procrastinating in between so I held it off for a week. This also affects the next two episodes since they were supposed to be on March 19 and March 26, but now one of them is coming on April 2. I was fully prepared to post the episode last night, but I fell asleep during the rewrite and when I woke up, it was early Monday morning. I knew the episode was ready so there was no need to hold it off until next Sunday or even this Friday.

-This episode is a sequel to last season's "The Trouble with Militants," when Wade ends up following the beliefs of a radical black nationalist group. I really liked how that episode turned out despite the subject matter, and I had the feminism idea right there waiting for me. I don't remember when I came up with it, but it was definitely a season five idea. I almost didn't do this episode because I felt like I didn't have as strong a point to make with it as I did with the previous one. However, I stuck with the idea and I ended up liking the episode a lot more than I thought I would.

-Originally, the plot was that both Jaylynn and Anja joined the Sisterhood, and they would be oblivious to the fact that they were in a radical feminist club until the end of the episode. However, it ended up changing during the writing where it was just Jaylynn. It wasn't for a specific reason, it just ended up that way. A lot of episodes end up adjusting themselves when I actually start writing them.

-The subplot with RK and Buster was supposed to last the entire episode. However, it ended up not being as funny as I thought it would be and I felt like it couldn't go the length so I cut it short.

-I was considering having Heather be voiced by a guest star, but I had no one in mind for the role. I also wasn't interested in developing any of the other characters in the Sisterhood so I made it into a running joke about how they barely talked.

-I planned to have Mrs. Rosenblum make an appearance, with Gabrielle Union reprising her role, but I had nothing for her to say or do and I didn't want to give her only two or three lines so I decided to leave her out.

-The lines about the Kids Choice Awards were originally negative, with Buster saying that he didn't even know what was happening. However, I didn't dislike the show as much as I thought I would so I changed them.

-Anja references the 2001 young adult novel _The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_.

-Jaylynn made a reference to temperance movement supporter Carry Nation who rallied against the consumption of alcohol before the Prohibition era.

-RK asking about Kinko's was originally just going to be a throwaway joke but I felt like it would have been funnier if he decided to actually go there.

-One of my favorite parts of the whole episode was RK's detailed description of a stereotypical feminist.

-I decided to have Jaylynn leave the poetry class because I felt like she no longer needed it. Her friendship with Anja has evolved far beyond the class and I didn't care for it anymore so it was time for her to move on.


End file.
